20080213

hello it's vday tmr♥

happy valentines'!

haven't cried for so long in a long time. and so hard anyway. like really long time.

and when i say hard it's really hard i regret crying so hard now.): couldn't breathe and i probably used up like one box of tissues

now after i stopped crying one hour later (finally with my dad trying to make me stop) my head really hurts because of not being able to breathe just now maybe and producing too much tears and jerking so much (because of crying so hard). and my eyes are so red and swollen i think my infected eye will never heal.

my face feels stiff and my head still really hurts omg MY HEAD HURTS SO BAD i feel really uncomfortable i just want to go and die.

it's really bad to cry like that. they would never understand the real reasonS of why i am crying.

what's all that for? it didn't matter right? you just have to put me down like everyone else does. does putting in effort even matter? i think not now i know. i will do it all for myself and myself alone i do not have to satisfy you i do not have to put up a show for you i do not need to CARE about you because it just wastes all my effort and time and energy. and still getting demoralized.

i will learn to be independant i will seal myself off from the rest of the world hello who needs friends when you've got yourself right yay yay yay everyone esp stupid people like me has to know how to depend on themselves cause the whole world would hate you and you would never know so better be on your own than trust others

i know i don't have time, but i really want to sleep in the whole day or i will die. i can't get sick somehow so i will plan a day to GET sick and maybe even better get hospitalized i dont really mind then go die or something not like anyone cares(: life would be better alone stoning and anyway so sick of it dying suddenly seems wonderful

smiles the world is so pretty(: